These Words shared by My Father That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."